for myself
For this daughter of immigrants, this first generation
American born girl, this on the ground and canvassing for President Obama two
election cycles in a row volunteer, the thought of wearing Filipinana to the
White House was the ultimate physical manifestation of being a hyphenated U.S.
citizen.
I had been to the White House on a number of occasions and I
had been dressed in business attire. I
had been all red, white and blue. Throwback
to my elementary school days when everyone thought I was a foreigner. When I was bound and determined to differentiate
myself from my Filipino cousins. I was a
brown girl in a white world. I was going
to fit in and ignore my Filipinoness. I
would not be caught dead in a butterfly sleeved, barefoot dance between two
bamboo poles garment if it was the last thing I would ever do. I wore Levis.
I floated around in gauzy peasant tops.
I wore clogs, for God’s sake.
Since those days I have traveled quite a bit. I have gone from wanting to fit in and be one
of them—the white girls—to finding out who I am. Gone are the days when I
cringe at the thought of being in a loud group of Filipinos—aka the
Galangs. Gone are the days when I reject
the question, Where are you from? (Miami
is where I am from now, Chicago before that.
And before that Milwaukee.) Gone are the days when I am embarrassed to
say to the old ladies next door, “Mi familia es de las islas Pilipinas, pero yo
soy de Wisconsin!”
I ran to my closet to look for the perfect outfit. A dress that said I am Pinay—but modern and
of U.S. citizenry. Two years ago, as I
was planning my wedding to my White Southern Man (progressive and blue-eyed and
beautiful), I asked Filipina dress designer, Bong de Ocampo, to make me a
modern barong. I told her I wanted it to
be long and sleek. A shift. No sleeves.
I wanted a shawl. I wanted a
dress that I designed myself.
I was all set to wear it, even posted it on Facebook, when
Hurricane Joaquin threatened the DC area.
I would have to stand in long lines to make it through security and into
the White House. I would have to hold a
flimsy no-point umbrella over my head. No,
said my comadre Bing Branigin from DC, wear something warmer.
I had to think about it.
For like a nanosecond. The White
House was not only acknowledging Filipino American Heritage Month, it was
celebrating it! I was invited to show my
Pinay pride in the way I carried myself, in the way I took on my identity, in
the way I wore that dress.
With Jason Tengco | Deputy Director White House Initiative on Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders |
I stood in the rain at least twice that day. The wind turned my White House-approved
umbrella inside out. My long sheath barong was covered up to my knees in a sassy
dress coat. The hem of my barong was soaked.
My hair was damp, falling straight.
I felt like a drowned rat. I was kissed by rain and it didn’t
matter. The dress was a beautiful
sampaguita from my garden in Miami—the pineapple weave shining like gossamer
and the joy from inside me radiating all kinds of heat.
Ako ay Pilipina-Americana taga Miami, one of the 4 million
in the United States. Her Wild American
Self had arrived.
... and you looked terrific!
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